Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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