so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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