there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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