This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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