please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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