Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize