But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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