my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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