Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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