I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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