i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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