In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize