Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize