Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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