i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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