It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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