Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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