like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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