Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize