I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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