we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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