Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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