The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize