I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
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Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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