It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're like the curious george of whores
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize