Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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