How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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