omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
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Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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