So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
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I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
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So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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