He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize