I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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