just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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