i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize