if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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