I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize