i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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