The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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