i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have demons in me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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