I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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