I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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