So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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