You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just threw up on my dentist
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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