He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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