help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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