Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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