her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize