His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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