i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
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Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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