After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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