I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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