Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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